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 40k odds and sods

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Loves to punch the cock jokers in the FUCKING FACE

PostSubject: 40k odds and sods   Mon Jul 28, 2008 4:22 pm

The Commandments of the Adeptus Astartes

OK, I didn't write any of these, but they are funny.
>1) Thou shalt not refer to the Adeptus Soritas as "Bolter B-----s" nor
>shalt thou go anywhere near our sisters during the time of the "Red Rage,"
>lest thou wishes to be the first human to enter orbit without the aid of a
>2) Thou shalt not comment on the odd shape of the Inquisitor's head.
>3) Thou shalt not do "wheelies" or "donuts" on you bike.
>4) Thou shalt not have a "kegger" on the eve of battle, thus making
>yourselves less effective on the morn.
>5) Thou shalt not refer to the Almighty Emperor as "The Righteous Dead Dude."
>6) Orks are not "cute!"
>7) Thou shalt not make jokes about the Imperial Guard's weapons.
>Cool Thou shalt not refer to the Rhino transports as "pimp wagons," nor
>shalt thou use the phrase, "If the Rhino be rockin, don't come a knockin."
>9) The Chapter Master is not a "drag."
>10) Thou shalt not check to see if your bolt pistol is loaded by looking
>down the barrel!
>11) Thou shalt not go on panty raids into Sister Of Battle monasteries.
>12) Thou shalt not use thy scope for anything outside of battle. Anyone
>caught using them to spy out life mates shall lose privileges.
>13) Do not sell thy extra organs on the Black Market.
>14) Though it is entertaining, thou shalt not wave a fly swatter near the
>Tyranid fleets.
>15) Thou shalt not use thine chainsword as a backscratcher.
>16) Thou shalt not use thine pistol as a q-tip.
>17) Thou shalt not attempt to imitate heathen noise marines with "heavy
>metal" or "death metal" through thine COM speakers.
>18) Although tempting, do not attempt to give a Tau a "high-five."
>19) Thou shalt not laugh at how small IG men are.
>20) Thou shalt not bend to the will of nerds playing war games, and act
>upon your own free will.
>21) Though shalt not tap the glass on the Dreadnought.
>22) Though shalt not feed the Orks.
>23) Though shalt not transmit images of unclothed Sisters through the
>24) Though shalt not advertise on thine armour.
>25) Though shalt not wave fake skulls at the Berserkers. 1) thou shall not
>chase thy Gretchen with a fork.
>26) Thou shall not wave a red flag near a chaos dreadnought.
>27) Thou shall not tape pictures to your armour.
>28) Thou shall not release spiders inside the dreadnought.
>29) Thou shall not use thy bolter to kill bees.
>30) Thou shall not sniff warp fumes.
>31) Thou shall eat they rations.
>32) Thou shall not steal thy commander’s dinner.
>33) Thou shall not take the Predator for a walk.
>34) Thou shall not use the land raider to pick up chicks.
>35) Thou shall beware of strange noise in back of thy land raider.
>36) Thou shall guard thy bolter when camping with Imperial Guard.
>37) Thou shall not use bug bomb against the nids.
>38) Thou shall not play Internet games with Tzeentch.
>39) Thou shall not e-mail the emperor.
>40) Thou shall not e-mail the Emperor (or anyone) SPAM!
>41) Thou should beware of thy Lictor behind cardboard bushes.
>42) Terminators and glue do not mix.
>43) Thou shall not spray paint armour to make it look cool.
>44) Thou shall not have water gun fights with lasguns. (the guard needs them)
>45) Thou shall not juggle power weapons.
>46) Thou shall not hid video links in the Sisters of Battle's monastery.
>47) Grenades are not water balloons.
>48) Thou shall not use insect repellent vs. ‘nids.
>49) Thou shall not use waterguns vs. Necron.
>50) Thou shall not piss on the Iron Halo.
>51) Daemons are not your friends.
>52) Barney the Dinosaur is not your friend.
>53) Barney is a heretic.
>54) Barney merchandise are simply prohibited
>55) Barney is not a ‘nid
>56) Digimon are not in the 40K universe.
>57) Digimon are not affiliated with the Necron.
>58) Pokemon are not Digimon!
>59) Pokemon are not fun to play with.
>60) Thous shall not steal candy from babies/orks/gretchin/Commissar
>61) Don't play "Truth or Dare" with Sisters.
>62) Don't play "Spin the Bottle" with Sisters.
>63) Don't play "Hangman" with the Inquisitor or Berserker.
>64) Thou shall ignore strange voice in your head.
>65) Thou shall not put a cork in the Inquisitors pistol.
>66) Thou shall not use the Lasgun as a flashlight.
>67) Thou shall not hide the Landraider under a lake.
>68) The land raider is not a hotel room!
>69) Spiking the beer is forbidden.
>70) Shotguns are not practice guns.
>71) Thou shall not steal half the imperial arsenal for disco lights!
>72) Pixie wings are not jump packs
>73) Thou shall no replace the Librarians staff with a "Magician's
>74) Thy shall not tip the Terminators over during battle.
>75) Thou shall not attempt to kill Tyranids with Mortein.
>76) Thou shall not do it to Slaanesh.
>77) Thou shall not do it to Nurgle (who would?)
>78) Thou shall not refer to Lasguns as torches.
>79) Guard will not be referred to as 'spotlighters'
>80) "Murder in the dark" is prohibited when Chaos forces are captured.
>81) Thou shall not make fun of Chaos rusty Power Armour. (We need
>someone decent to fight with)
>82) Thou shall not do Spock impersonations around Eldar.
>83) Don't give Fairy wings to Eldar.
>84) Thou shall not make liposuction jokes around Eldar
>Magnificent Seven.
>85) Thou shall not return books late.
>86) Thou shall not trade thine bike for a skateboard.
>87) Thou shall not ignore the Chaplain as he recites the tales of Spot the
>88) Putting corks into the engines of a Landspeeder is not funny.
>89) C-3P0 is not a Necron ambassador
>90) Darth Vader is not the son of Abaddon
>91) Thou shall not stay awake after 'lights out' unless expressly ordered!
>92) Thou shall not use the sentinel Powerlifter as a magnet for the sisters.
>93) If thou lose thine hand you shall not nab one of the Imperial Guard.
>94) Thou shall not waterfight with civilians.
>95) "It makes a funny noise," is not an excuse for punching Imperial
>96) "He started it," is not an excuse for punching Imperial Guardsmen
>97) Thou shall not get a Sister intoxicated for thy own pleasures.
>98) Thou shall not play monster with Orks.
>99) Thou shall not taunt a Dreadnaught within reach of his foot by calling
>him "The Tin Man" from Wizard of Oz."
>100) Thou shalt not sexually harass the servitors even if they won't

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